I just received a long-time friend’s annual holiday letter. She and I have been friends since 1987, and the entire time I’ve known her, she has impressed me with her positive outlook on life, her ability to “blow and go” when something upsets her – she never holds a grudge, her tenacity and her ability to appreciate what is important.

She takes setbacks in stride, and in most cases, she quickly moves to the next thing on her over-packed agenda. She fits more in one day than most people do in a week.

For all of the years that I have known her, she has been grateful for the blessings in her life, and has had few major losses other than her dear grandmother…until last year.

A few years ago, her father was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and although he refused to go through chemotherapy for the first year, she felt it was his decision about his own life. He finally did go through chemo, but by then, the cancer was extremely advanced.

On October 11th, her father passed away, and that was followed by the death of one of her cats, her uncle, her mentor that hired her for her first job out of undergraduate school, as well as close friends who lost their spouses, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters and parents.

My friend experienced a few other major disappointments as well, but true to her nature, she still appreciates how wonderful her life is even through her tears.

I am quoting some great thoughts she shared at his memorial – I hope they touch you as well. I shed a few tears for my friend as I read her letter.

“The greatest lesson my father taught me was when I was in college. I was trying to decide which sorority to join. He wrote me a letter which was rare. He told me to forget about the “organization.” He encouraged me to choose my affiliation based on the character of the people because they will be your friends for the rest of your life. He was right.

Throughout his life, my father loved to debate and discuss almost any issue. From these discussions, I learned to be comfortable with paradox; holding two seemingly opposite ideas in my head at the same time. Here are a few that I cherish:

• Be cost conscious AND find the elegant long-term solution (which is rarely the obvious, cheap, easy or fast path)
• Plan strategically using what-if analysis so you are prepared AND enjoy the unexpected surprises
• Have a vision AND pay attention to the important details. Take action
• Have high standards AND forgive yourself and others easily when things go wrong, but NEVER forget the lesson
• Most of all, be gracious”

I remember my friend’s father well. What I remember most about him was his intelligence. He was also strongly opinionated and an original.

He successfully built one business, and started another one a few years before his death. His mission wasn’t to make money, it was to elegantly solve manufacturing inefficiencies with a unique software solution. He had a passion for his businesses.

He lived to see the proof of concept, and I am sure his legacy will continue through the two companies he founded.

As I said to my friend a few weeks ago, there is some reason she is meant to experience so many losses at one time. I guess she had a big lesson to learn, and I am sure she will share it with me when she figures out what it is. Big hugs, Chris. Thank you for sharing these lessons with all of us.

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